Finding a Trusted Caretaker

I’ve alternated between being a stay at home mom and a working mom throughout different stages of my son’s life.  For the first five year of his life I was mostly home, working in a restaurant on the weekend nights so I could be home with him the rest of the week.  Then I was a preschool teacher from his kindergarten year until he was about ten years old.  Those hours were perfect because I would work while he was at school and get out right as he got off the bus, if I had to work while he was off of school he could just come to work with me.  Then I was a stay at home mom for two years before returning to work full time this past October.   Although I absolutely love my job, finding care has been very stressful.  I’ve been pretty lucky so far because my son played on his middle school soccer and then basketball team and would have practices and games after school most of the time HOWEVER the days he didn’t have practice I would almost have a nervous breakdown trying to find someone to get him after school.  Plus he’s decided he doesn’t want o play baseball anymore so I now have zero after school care for him.  He is old enough to stay at home sometimes but I really don’t think he’s ready to be home alone after school for three hours every day.  Plus summer is coming up and I have no idea what I’m going to do with him for 60 hours a week (fulltime job plus commute time).  I have literally been PRAYING for an answer. 

Then I lucked out and came across care.com which is basically a website that brings babysitters and parents together.  There are lists of babysitters and nannies so you can browse and look who you think would be right for you.  The part I loved is that you can see background checks as well as recommendations from other parents.  You can also see pictures, ages, experience, education, and hourly pay as well as a little area where they can tell about themselves.  I liked that because I know the mother of a quiet baby girl would be looking for something totally different than a mom like me who is looking for someone to care for her wild sporty older boy.

A few other benefits include being able to see which days and times each babysitter is available, which extra duties they are willing to offer such as light housekeeping, meal preparation, errands, grocery shopping, travel, crafts, swimming supervision, and carpooling.  They also include if they are trained in first aid, CPR, CRN, Doula, Special Needs Care, and Trustline Certified.

I’m going to be reviewing these profiles to find someone parttime now so that my son will be used to his caregiver by the time summer rolls around and they have to spend more time together.  I may even find someone he likes enough to spend a Friday night with so that I can have a date night!  I’ll let you know how it goes!

If you want to check it out for yourself just enter your zip code above to start searching!

Best Friends Help Improve Your Child's Health, Researchers Say

While you may be concerned about cutting out overly processed foods in your child's diet and making sure that he or she stays active to promote overall good health, what you may be needing to do is make sure that your child spends quality time with his or her best friend, especially when your child is down in the dumps. This is because according to a new study, having a bestie around when something "stressful" or "unpleasant" happens to your child can actually positively affect your child's mental and physical state.

A team of Canadian researchers from Concordia University tested more than 100 fifth and sixth graders, evenly divided by gender. What they discovered was that when a child was scolded by a teacher or got into a disagreement with a fellow classmate, the test subjects were less likely to release cortisol if they're best friend was near them. Cortisol is a stress hormone that while typically associated with health complications in adults (makes sense— adults are the ones to get stressed out more often) an excess of cortisol in children has staggering long-lasting effects: it can ultimately stunt development and growth as well as weaken the immune system.

The stress hormone is also linked to low self-esteem—too much can make children have a lower sense of self-worth, according to researchers. And naturally, low-self esteem can lead to more severe disorders like depression and eating disorders in the future.  So it's important to have a balanced level of cortisol as a child.

An earlier Concordia study even linked higher levels of cortisol to behavioral issues in young children. Those with too much cortisol were more likely to disrupt classrooms and be mischievous.

So if you have some bad news to tell your child or if he or she comes home upset because they didn't have a valentine this year, it might be best to invite his or her best friend over to cheer him or her up—their health depends on it. Not to mention that having friends can help children become more sociable (which can help them later on in life) and can even help them deal with bullies, some studies say.

The study, which is officially titled "The Presence of a Best Friend Buffers the Effects of Negative Experiences," is published in the journal of Developmental Psychology.

By-line:
This guest post is contributed by Katheryn Rivas, who writes on the topics of online universities advice.  She welcomes your comments at her email Id: katherynrivas87@gmail.com.

Keep Your Kids Safe

One of the things we worry about the most as parents is keep our kids safe. We see so many instances in the news of the kidnappings and killings of children, of serial molesters and rapists, and of the rampant use of child porn.

Here are some scary facts:

· Over 2,100 children go missing every day, that’s one child every 40 seconds.

· 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 16.

· There are 728,345 registered sex offenders in the United State.

· The re-arrest rate of convicted child molesters is 52%

Now I don’t think we need to live in constant fear because that would not allow our children to develop properly but I do think that we, as parents, need to be aware. One great tool to help with that is to sign up at kidslivesafe.com.

If you sign up you will be able to:

1. Search, map, and view complete sex offender profiles.

2. Receive an instant email alert when a sex offender moves into your monitored area.

3. Safely monitor your children online.

4. Use their Emergency Response Profiles if your child is lost or abducted.

5. Learn your city’s true crime rate.

6. Use their learning center to stay up to date with critical child care information and resources.

Empower yourself to protect your children!

*I am a Kids Live Safe affiliate. 

Fun Food

When you have a picky eater you’ll do ANYTHING to get them to try something new. One fun way to get kids interested in unfamiliar foods is by making the presentation exciting. If they are marveling at the creative design you made out of their meal they are more likely to try some, even if it’s just a bite or two. It many cases it’s a breakthrough if they even allow a new food on their plate. The point isn’t to get them to chow down on the new food; it’s just to acquaint them with it. The next time you serve that food it will be a little more familiar. The more familiar and nonthreatening a new food it the more likely your picky eater will take a nibble, or at least let it within arm’s length of their mouths.

Do you ever create designs out of food for your kids?

Paint Swatch Calendar

One day I was browsing through Pinterest, when a picture of a paint swatch calendar caught my attention. Although I never actually ended up looking at the blog to see how it was done, I winged it and came out with this guy instead!

What You’ll Need:

-          Paper cutter (scissors work fine but the cutter speeds up the process)

-          X-acto knife (if you don’t have the paper cutter)

-          Ruler, pencil, scrap paper (for calculating measurements)

-          Paint swatches of your favorite colors

You’ll be cutting the swatches into 35- 2” x 2” squares, plus 7- 1” x 2” rectangles, so make sure you get enough!

-          Rubber cement or glue stick

-          A 16’ x 20” frame

-          1 piece of poster board (I stuck with a neutral – very light beige – it’ll be your calendar’s background)

-          Acrylic paint for the frame

Instructions:

-          First I ended up painting my frame. I chose a dark espresso brown that would blend with the swatch colors. This is the frame before it was painted.

-          Paint swatches - I ended up getting my colors at a local Wal-Mart (the Glidden paint brand). These swatches were on the large size, and when I got them I knew I could get two squares out of each one. I kept my color scheme rather neutral, and settled with three shades of three different colors – beige, pink, and blue.

   -  I cut off each of the color names first, which let me know exactly how much of the remaining swatch I was dealing with. It was over 4 inches, so I proceeded to measure out the first 2 inches, slice it, and then another 2 inches, and slice it. Then I picked up those pieces, turned them, and cut them.

-          Lay out your colors in whatever pattern you choose. I stuck with a repeated fading look, and spaced each swatch ¼” .

-          After this was finished I realized I still had some extra swatches, and decided to make seven 2” x 1” rectangles where I could write the days of the week. This is completely optional, but it was real quick and makes for a nice addition to the calendar.

-          To make the background of the calendar, use the frame’s glass to trace. Cut it out.

-          Before we can go ahead and glue on the swatches, we have to do some math to make sure the calendar will be centered:

o   Your frame is 20” wide

o   There will be seven columns of 2” x 2” swatches, altogether 14”.

o   There will be six gaps that are each ¼”. .25 * 6 = 1.5”

o   So lengthwise, you will be using (14 + 1.5) = 15.5” of space.

o   20” – 15.5” = 4.5”

o   4.5” / 2 = 2.25”, the amount of space that will be on either end of the frame. Lightly mark two lines, both 2.25” from the sides of the paper

-          The last bit will tell us how much space for the top and bottom of the frame:

o   Your frame is 16” high

o   There will be five columns of 2” x 2” swatches, altogether 10”

o   There will be four gaps that are each ¼”. .25 * 4 = 1”

o   If you choose to add the swatch for the days of the week, I gave a ½” gap between that and the 2” x 2” swatch. Add that to the 1” height, and you get an additional 1.5”.

o   Height-wise, the calendar will take up 10 + 1 + 1.5 = 12.5” of space.

o   16 – 12.5 = 3.5” of leftover space.

-          You want more space at the top of the calendar to write the month. With your pencil, lightly mark a line that’s 2.5” from the top, and another that is 1” from the bottom.

-          Now you’ll be able to see you have a faint (centered!) border for your calendar. Using rubber cement or glue stick, begin to lay each swatch just how you had it on your draft. Make sure the gaps are ¼“ on the sides of the swatches, and you’ll start seeing your calendar take form.

-          After you’ve glued everything down on the poster board and the pieces are dry, dust it off (I’m static-y lately so I was cleaning it for a while!!) I Windex-ed the glass probably three times before I mounted it, and voila! The only thing that’s left is to expo that calendar up and put it to use!



Before Writing



Paint Swatch Calendar



Now it's an official calendar!



 

By Danielle Lamoureaux

Follow Danielle on twitter!

Snowflake Float

Purpose:  To demonstrate why snowflakes float gently to the ground.

Materials:  2 pieces of notebook paper

Directions:

1.       Crush the first piece of paper into a paper ball.

2.       Hold the paper ball in one hand and the flat piece of paper in the other.

3.       Drop both pieces of paper at the same time.

4.       Record which paper falls faster.

Outcome:  The paper ball will fall faster and hit the ground first.  The flat piece floats slowly down.

The science behind it:  There are two forces at work here: gravity and the upward force of air.  The gravity is the same for both piece of paper but the upward force of air is different.  The flat pap falls slowly because it has a great exposed surface area and therefore receives more upward force from the air.  This is the same science that causes raindrops and snowflakes to fall differently.  They are both made of water but they have very different shapes.  The raindrop is like the paper ball, they take up a small amount of space and falls faster than the snowflake which behaves like the flat piece of paper.

Dealing With Angry Parents

I wrote a post called “Judging Moms” and had a reader post this comment.  It’s a great question because there is such a fine line between not judging another moms and our social responsibility to stand up when we see something that is truly wrong taking place right before our eyes.  As anyone who has read my blog knows, I am a huge advocate of not judging one another BUT I also believe in reporting behavior that may endanger a child.  I believe that many kids who end up seriously hurt or worse killed by their parents could have been saved if someone had spoken up on their behalf.  Protecting a child is more important than any other message I could possibly send here.

Less Than Perfect Parents,

Good reminder. I try hard to remember that you never know the whole story and that most parents are trying their best to do the right thing. We all mess up from time to time, or have to "get through" certain stages where our children may not want to bathe, have their hair combed, eat healthy foods etc. I guess the only time I have a really hard time NOT judging is when I'm around parents who yell a lot or spank. It's upsetting to my daughter and really ruins the whole play environment when parents do this (or put their kids in "time outs" and let them scream while other kids are trying to play), so... just wondering since I struggle with this -- do you think it's ok to tell another parent that I don't appreciate their behavior? Or is that "judging" too?

~Liberal Mama

Liberal Mama,

I think this is a tough topic.  We want to protect our own children, we don’t want to see another child being treated badly or even abused, yet we don’t want to offend another parent.  Here are a few of my suggestions:

First of all, if a parent is getting out of control and you suspect or witness abuse, do not hesitate to report it.  You may save a child’s life. There are many professions that are legal mandated reporters, which means that they legally have to report suspected abuse.  I think that morally we are ALL mandated reporters whether or not the law dictates that.  Here are two great resources for reporting abuse:

1.      This is a hotline that serves the U.S., its territories, and Canada: 1-800-4-A-CHILD.  For more information check out their website.

2.      This is a list of phone numbersand websites for each state in the U.S. to call if you suspect abuse.

My second point is from Grandma K of Guilt Free Parenting, if what the parent is doing is losing their cool and creating a tense display but not crossing the line into abuse, you can look at it as a learning opportunity for your daughter.  I know I’ve done that with my son.  When he’s gotten upset by a parent yelling at their child I’ve said, “Everyone loses their patience sometimes.  That person is not a bad person but do you see how hurtful it is when we yell at someone.  We do that because we are mad at the other person but when we yell we actually make ourselves look bad.”  You can then discuss other ways that you can express anger without losing patience.  An important lesson for children is for them to understand that anger itself is not bad and there are constructive ways to express it.  You could also talk about how to apologize when you do lose your temper.  We ALL lose our cool sometimes and knowing how to apologize is an important skill.

Third, remove your daughter from the situation.  If it's so bad that your daughter is really getting upset just walk away.  I know it seems that the obnoxious parent/child is controlling your day but if you are at the park you can just walk to another area and have just as good of a time there.  Plus if the parent is angry enough they may take it out on you in front of your daughter.  That would ruin your day more than watching them yell at their child. 

Consider putting yourself in the other parent’s shoes.  I know for me, my son had some major behavioral problems when he was about three.  We’d be out somewhere and he would start with his animal behavior.  I’d get more and more embarrassed as he got out of control and I couldn’t stop him.  I felt like the worst mother ever as I felt the other parents staring at me while their angelic children played quietly.  The more embarrassed I got the more enraged I’d get.  What was wrong with him that he acted like that?  What was wrong with me that I couldn’t control him?  Why was every other child perfect and I had a demon from hell?  Why was I such a terrible mother that I couldn’t stop him AND I lost my temper?  Many times I was able to wrangle him back into my car and take him home but there were also times when I finally lost my cool and let him have it in public. I didn’t care who saw or if it bothered them or not.   A few times I let him cry it out in public because I had my goddaughters with me and I didn’t want them to be punished by leaving the park because he had done wrong.  When a parent is to that point, they already know what they’re doing is wrong so pointing it out probably won’t help.  I think most of us can relate to losing our cool with our children, I don’t think it’s ever something we do on purpose or something that we are proud of.  I can also tell you that I was usually a loving, understanding mom.  I usually held him close and spoke sweetly and gently to him.  I don’t believe in yelling or spanking so I usually didn’t scream at my son, but I’m sure the people who only witnessed my parenting for that brief moment in time probably felt sorry that my son had a crazy shrew for a mother.  If they chose that moment to point it out to me things probably wouldn’t have gone too well.

Fifth, also from Grandma K, is to ask yourself, “What do I hope to accomplish by bringing this to the other parent’s attention?”  Bringing up another parent’s moment of bad parenting will probably only enrage them further.  They may leave you and your daughter in peace but the kid who’s getting in trouble may end up really getting it once they get home.   Also, they may end up screaming at you which will only upset you and your daughter further.

If you really feel that you want to talk with the parent here are some really great tips to help to calm an angry parent:

1.   Start by smiling and being friendly!  Make sure you are judgment free!  People can pick up on that!

2.   Start by showing understanding.  Saying something like, “It’s amazing how fresh kids can be at that age huh?  My child has embarrassed me by {throwing a tantrum, not listening, running away, or whatever else their child is doing}.  Luckily we all have gone through it and we all understand.”

3.   Next, compliment their child.  “Your daughter sure is beautiful though even when misbehaving.”

4.   Make a small joke to lighten the mood.  I often put the compliment and the joke together with something like, “Your daughter sure is beautiful.  Kids are so lucky they’re cute the way they misbehave.  It’s the only thing that saves them sometimes!”

5.   Offer to help but don’t act like you’re doing them a favor.  “I’m going to push my daughter on the swings if your daughter would like to come play with us for a minute.  My daughter does so much better when she has another child to play with so you’d really be helping me out.”

Thanks for the great question Liberal Mama!  I love anything that makes me think and creates good dialogue between parents.  What do you guys think?  Do you have any good tips when dealing with screaming parents or kids?

If you like Less Than Perfect Parents click here to vote for me for Babble's "Most Useful" Award!

Goal Setting for Kids

I’ve been doing goal setting workshops with my son once a month and they have been working wonders with him so I wanted to share.  I love these workshops because it gives us a chance to talk about his worries and his dreams.  It helps him outline what he wants in his life and empowers him to accomplish his goals.  It also makes him take responsibility for his own actions and for the consequences of his actions. 

1.       The first thing we do is talk about his accomplishments.  First this puts him in a good mood and makes him realize everything he has accomplished.  We talk about what he did to accomplish the good things so he knows what he needs to keep doing.  To me, this starts the conversation on a positive note which will hopefully set the whole tone for the whole workshop.

2.       We talk about his dreams and what he wants for himself in the future.  I find out everything from iPads to making the soccer team to going to college to becoming a millionaire professional baseball player.  I never tell him that anything is out of his reach.

3.       Then we talk about things he can improve on.  The last talk we had I explained that if he wants to be a millionaire he needs to have a college education which means he needs to get good grades.  We also discussed the importance of extracurricular activities on a college application.  We look at his attendance the previous year a decided going to school more often would help him improve his grades.

4.       Then we make a list of the goals we can work on over the next few weeks or months.  I have him choose at least one goal from each of these categories: Academic, Physical, and Financial.  I have a rule that he can’t choose more than five goals altogether because I don’t want him to be overwhelmed.  After our talk he decided that his academic goals would be to get straight A’s on his next report card, he would go to school every day in the month of September, October, and November.  For his physical goal he chose to make the middle school soccer team.  For his financial goal he chose to save $500 by December to start an investment account (He’s been obsessed with creating passive income since we’ve been playing Cash Flow for Kids).

5.       We break each goal into small manageable steps so it’s a lot easier to manage.  For example, to accomplish his goal of making straight A’s he decided to do his homework as soon as he gets home every day.  When he’s done with home work he sets a timer for 15 minutes and finds a way he can learn just a little bit extra or improve on his homework a little bit.  For his goal of going to school every day we made a chart together and check off every day he attends school.  To accomplish his goal of making the soccer team he decided he needs to run for at least 1 mile every day, dribble the ball for 15 minutes every day, and set up some games of soccer with his friends.  To accomplish his goal of saving $500 he started a savings account at the bank, he asked for extra chores around the house that he could get paid for, he saves all of his allowance, he held several lemonade stands with some baked goods, and asked neighbors his he could do some yard work for them.

6.       We set rewards for each goal.  For getting straight A’s he gets a laptop, for each month of going to school without missing he gets to have his three best friends sleep over, for making the soccer team he gets his own cell phone, for starting a $500 investment account I will add $100 to the account.  The key for us was to make the rewards make sense.  He needs a computer for school because a lot of his homework is online so I told him that only a good student needs his own laptop. The cell phone is because his soccer team is a travel team and I’ll need to get in touch with them.

7.       Put it in writing using positive language.  I typed up a contract making sure I outlined what we wanted to happen, not what we didn’t want.  Then he read it aloud to me and we verbally agreed to the contract and signed it.

8.       Track their progress.  I have charts for each goal so that he can check of his progress and see how well he’s doing every day.

9.       Keep it in plain sight.  I put our contract and goal progress charts on the refrigerator as a constant reminder of his goals and his rewards so he can see his goals every day.

So far this has worked miracles with my son.  I used to nag him to go to school every day while he pretended to be sick, now he insists on going to school every day.  I used to nag him to do his homework every night and it took hours to get it finished, now he does it all on his own and it is done perfectly.  He is working so hard because he decided on his own goals and knows exactly what he needs to do to make it happen.  I love having an empowered child!

If you like Less Than Perfect Parents click here to vote for me for Babble's "Most Useful" Award!

Award Nominee!

I am so honored that Less Than Perfect Parents is nominated for Babble's "Most Useful" Award!

The person who nominated me wrote:

Enjoy this blog because it is filled with not only wonderful advice from real life experiences but fashion tips and holiday decorating ideas and recipes. The blog also make a parent feel comfortable in that one does not have to be a perfect parent but a real parent with real children with a life filled with ups and downs and yes mistakes. Far better to enjoy our children as multidimentional beings and savour all the experiences in our journey through life together.

What a compliment!

If you like Less Than Perfect Parents click here to vote!  I appreciate it so much!

A Great Tool to Teach Kids About Money

One thing I always promised myself I would do is teach my son how to manage money.  My father owned a business and as I grew up I heard my parents discussing every aspect of the business every day.  They taught me everything they knew about business, finances, investing, and saving.  This enabled me to make good financial decisions in my life.  It has been one of the most valuable gifts and one that I want to give to my son.

Ha has read books, started a savings and investment account, and had a small business all by 11 years old.  One great tool that I’ve used to teach him how to manage finances is a game called Cashflow For Kids by Robert Kiyosaki, the author of “Rich Dad Poor Dad.”

Cashflow is really fun which is the most important part.  A kid’s not going to learn as much if playing is a horrible chore they have to endure.  My son begs me to play and his friends love to play when they come over.  The game board is made up of two main parts: an income statement and a balance sheet.  The income statement is made up of salary, passive income, and expenses.  The balance sheet is divided into assets and liabilities.  The assets are then divided into securities, real estate, and businesses.  Liabilities are made up of borrowed money, credit cards, and mortgages.  These are all mostly pictures and include definitions so are easy to understand.  The whole point of the game is to eventually get more passive income than expenses so your money is working for you instead of you working for your money.

It’s amazing how quickly my 11 year old caught on and now uses these business terms in everyday conversation.  This game is also one of the reasons he decided he wanted to save $500 to start a Scottrade investment account so he could begin to earn passive income by investing in dividend stocks.

I’m pretty proud of all my son has taken away from the game but I have to admit it also reinforces everything I learned from my parents and business school.  I remember I should be making my money work for me instead of working for money just so i can blow it on things that don’t matter.

The best part of this whole learning experience?  My son now understands when he wants something and I say my money would be better used on something else.  He agrees with me and tells me to invest it!

Something to be Thankful for...

I don’t normally post too many blog articles that are just stories about my family but this one’s a doozy and I need to share my pain. 

The other night my son was asleep and I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.  I noticed the toothpaste was really watery and I rolled my eyes imagining what sort of dumb thing my child had done to it (in my household he does so many random things that if something isn’t on fire I usually don’t question it).  So I brushed my teeth with the watery toothpaste.  I repeat: I BRUSHED MY TEETH WITH IT‼‼‼  I went to bed and had a blissful night’s sleep.

The next morning my son says, “Oh mom, you didn’t use the toothpaste did you?”  His tone of pure disgust and the look of pity made me pay attention.  “Yes I did, why?”  I asked wondering if I even wanted to know.  “That toothpaste fell into the toilet last night,” he says. 

Do you know what that means?  That means I brushed my teeth with toilet water.  I BRUSHED MY FREAKING TEETH WITH TOILET WATER‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼

Why did he put it back?  Why didn’t he tell me what happened?  Why didn’t he throw it away?  He didn’t seem to know the answer to any of these questions.  I told him I can’t believe I have to tell him that when things that belong in our mouths fall into the toilet we throw them away.  Why wouldn’t that be common sense?  Why do I have to tell him that?  Sigh.  He’s so lucky his mother’s love is unconditionalJ

Even though I doubt anyone can top this story I will throw out the gauntlet and issue a challenge to all of you parents.  Have your kids ever done anything that was repulsive enough to top this?  If not, I just gave you something to be thankful for this holiday season!

Judging Moms

I just read an article on mothers judging other mothers.  I remember when I was a preschool teacher I saw a lot in my classroom that was judge-worthy but there were several incidents that taught me some very important lessons that I will never forget. 

I had a little girl in my class who was absolutely adorable.  She was dressed beautiful every day, she was smart as a whip, and so sweet to her peers.  There was only one thing I felt terrible about.  Every day she came to school and had a sandwich of nothing but white bread and fluff along with a jello.  I am a huge advocate of healthy eating and always fed my son whole grains and protein at every meal plus five fruits and vegetables a day.  It wasn’t hard so, in my mind, why wouldn’t a parent feed their kids healthy food unless they were lazy or indifferent?  It really bothered me that this poor child ate food that provided her with zero nutrition.  Years later I went to this child’s house for dinner with a mutual friend.  I ate before I left because I imagined the mother to be a horrible cook.  When I arrived I couldn’t believe my eyes.  She had a gourmet buffet full of mouthwatering foods.  I saw her daughter filling up on delicious and healthy foods.  Later we were talking about the struggles we’ve had parenting our children and she told us how she had to pack her daughter fluff sandwiches and jello because if she didn’t she would eat nothing at school.  She said she just made sure she ate very healthy breakfasts, snacks, and dinners.  Was this mom indifferent to her daughter’s nutritional needs as I had thought?  Absolutely not.  She was just a mom doing whatever it took to do the best she could for her family.  My son would eat anything I put in front of him so I always fed him healthy and could never understand the struggles that some parents go through who have picky eaters. 

I had another little girl who loved to read and had tons of healthy food every day but came to school in old hand me down boy’s clothes and was often dirty.  Her mother on the other hand, was dressed beautifully every single day with perfectly manicured nails and salon ready hair matched with perfectly pressed designer clothes.  I couldn’t understand how a mom could be so selfish as to dress her child so poorly while taking such good care of herself.  I laid out my son’s clothes everyday and he wore them.  It wasn’t hard so why didn’t she take the time unless she was lazy or indifferent?  One day I ran into the mom at a party and she confessed to me how embarrassed she was that her daughter was such a tomboy when she was younger.  She told me how she had to fight her daughter in order to dress her in perfect dresses and practically had to physically wrestle her into the bathtub in order to get her clean.  Finally she decided that she would rather let people judge her as a parent rather than abuse her daughter in order to make her look perfect to the outside world.  What this a mom who didn’t care if her daughter was clean or not?  Absolutely not.  She was just a mom doing whatever it took to do the best she could for her family.  (By the way, the daughter eventually grew out of this stage and is now a very clean, put together young lady).  My son didn’t care about clothes so how could I ever understand what some parents go through who have kids that are adamant about how they dress?

As moms we need to remember that we are all moms doing whatever it takes to do the very best we can for our families.  We all have struggles.  We are all great moms sometimes.  We are all bad moms sometimes.  THERE IS NOT ONE OF US WHO IS THE PERFECT PARENT!  The next time you find yourself judging another mom (or any other person for that matter) just remember, you don’t know her circumstances, you don’t know what she’s going through, and you don’t know how she is in other aspects and situations in her life.  Cut her some slack because the next time you have a bad mom moment maybe she’ll do the same for you.

Why did I judge these moms?  Because they are facing different struggle than my own.  My son eats anything and doesn’t care what he wears so those aspects of parenting are easy for me.  I face completely different issues such as the never ending battles over watching television and video games.  A parent could judge me and think I’m a horrible mother for allowing my son to watch too much television because their child turns it off without a fight whenever the parent asks.  I also had an issue with my son putting his hands on other kids and getting in their face when he was little.  I know other moms thought I was a terrible mom that couldn’t get my son to keep his hands off their kids.  What they didn’t know is that my son is legally blind so he gets up close and uses his hands to see better.  I have a friend now who feels awful because she admitted she judged me for that before she got to know me.  We’re the best of friends now because she understands my issues with my son are drastically different than the ones she’s going through with hers.

These are just a few examples of situations that look a certain way and on closer inspection turned out to be totally different.  I think whenever we judge another person we should remember that we are only seeing a moment in their lives.  It’s not who they are it’s a single clip of their life.  You may see a mom yelling at her small children.  Maybe that’s the only time she ever yelled at them and she usually cuddle with them, reads them stories, never lets them watch television, and feeds them only organic foods.  Should she be labeled a “bad mom” because she had a moment where she wasn’t perfect? 

Ways to Stay Active During the Holiday Season

It’s that time again! The time of year we all struggle with. There’s tons of great food that leaves us exhausted and not wanting to move. We know in our heads we shouldn’t have that extra helping of mashed potatoes or that extra piece of pie but we give into temptation. Then as if we were stuffed turkeys ourselves we go and do the worst thing when you’ve overeaten: we lie there with our pants unbuttoned in a state of exhaustion. According to the New England Journal of Medicine the average person gains one pound over the holidays and never loses it. I know, I know, what’s one pound? Well it’s a lot over the course of years. One pound eventually becomes twenty if we’re not careful.

Now I’m not against all those delicious foods and I’m just as guilty as anyone of indulging on Thanksgiving BUT I do try to keep myself and my family as healthy as possible and I want my family to develop healthy habits as well. So indulge in your favorite foods but try one or two of these activities so you can keep some of the holiday weight off this year:

1.      Help out-I noticed many of the women in my family are very fit while a lot of the men tend to pack on weight. I decided to observe to see why this was. One huge difference I noticed was that after a meal the women begin busily cleaning up after dinner while the men go sit on the couch and watch television. Preparing a Thanksgiving meal is a lot of work so make sure everyone in the family has on chore before the meal and one chore after. This will keep them busy and away from the appetizer table before the meal and the dessert table after the meal. Plus staying them their feet will help them burn some extra calories. You’re helping you family stay fit as well as teaching your kids the importance of helping out. Not only will this benefit everyone by keeping them moving but whoever is hosting Thanksgiving will be grateful as well.

2.      Take a walk-You can take a walk right outside your house or plan a beautiful trail nearby to walk on. Plan a scavenger hunt or play a few games to keep kids occupied during the walk. Another fun idea is to have an imagination walk.

Walking game idea: Everyone tries to find five things that begin with the same letter as their first name. If you have several people with the same first letter you can use middle names.

3.      Dance-This is a fun and easy way to burn a few calories. Just put on some music and let everyone get moving. Make sure you have a wide variety of music for everyone and I would recommend having it on CD’s so you’re not looking through the radio to find something.

4.      Plan a family game-Split the family up into a few teams and have a tournament or just kick the ball around. Either way playing a game of soccer, kickball, or softball is a fun way to get the family working together and keep them off the couch. TIP: Have everything set up before the meal because you probably won’t feel like dragging soccer goals out after eating a big dinner. If it’s already set up it’ll be much easier to motivate yourself and everyone else out to the game.

5.      Try some of these activities geared toward kids.

6.      Schedule some fitness into your own schedule. It’s best to schedule this with someone else so that you won’t skip it when you’re feeling full and tired after celebrating the day before. My gym has a turkey buster class the morning after Thanksgiving that I attend every year. You can do something like that or plan a session with a personal trainer or make a date to play tennis or go for a run. Thanksgiving should be just one day and this will help you get back on track if you’ve over eaten. The best way to teach your family to be fit is to model the behavior yourself.